‘The Bearded Lady’
— Nix Thérèse
I’ve jokingly referred to beards as face candy in the group chat, simply because of their ability to up the attractiveness of actors, musicians, friends, etc., that I was once meh about. Yet there’s still a social taboo about feminine people having any kind of facial hair because it pushes against our ideal of “softness.” This is a seeming inspiration for ‘The Bearded Lady’ where young girls are so desirous of beards (that they don’t have to hormonal makeup to grow) that they recreate them out of anything they can find. In this satire, we’re urged to consider how we alter ourselves just for kudos in the community.
Early in the story, we’re given a view of the beard that’s won out: “Elspeth’s friend Meera has the longest, softest beard, made of hundreds of tiny strands of dark red silk.” As someone who constantly worries when shooting selfies in a crimson robe, I can tell you pure silk is ridiculously easy to crinkle. Meera’s beard strands are likely so close together that you almost can’t differentiate them just to downplay the wrinkles. But I also see Meera’s mother going through painstaking measures to make sure that the beard looked well-pressed and lush, even in its length. Even Meera herself would have to gingerly position it throughout the day for optimal smoothness. Beauty here feels most tied to personal attention to grooming. When the maintenance is higher because better materials are used, so is the payoff.
Even though going above and beyond in adornment seems to be the way to win, Briana goes as close to natural growth as possible. After Briana’s mom gets her a prescription for Rogaine, “there’s a soot-smudge of downy dark hair on the rim of [her] jaw, which is studded with fresh-looking pimples.” The soft strands that have appeared on her chin can’t fully distract from the pimples that begin to populate her face. Given that she’s a teenager, she’s already going through the ravages of puberty, but the Rogaine is unprecedented. We’re unsure if continuing would bring more hair, more pimples, or some unseen shift. Briana gets closer to the idol than the girls who pull beards on and off at will, but there’s no clear indication that she will be deemed pretty. It’s gutsy to risk negative body changes in the name of beauty, but we encounter it all the time.
The story culminates in the girls of the town finally meeting their idol. Elspeth realizes that all the fabric surrounding the Bearded Lady is discarded beards, and the Bearded Lady is indiscriminate in her choosing: “black beards, violet beards, metallic beards, beards made of yards of watered silk, beards of real human hair.” The Bearded Lady does not care how much time you’ve spent grooming, building, or loving your beard. When met with all these parodies of herself, she simply returns each girl to her before-beard state. Note that I didn’t say “natural” because when it comes to beauty, we’re all an amalgamation of standards. Even when we push against those that we believe are “too much”, we still find some on the scale that jive with what we can afford and lean into them. But the world can push back against our choices, like the Bearded Lady’s snatching faux beards and implying, “you’ve gone too far in enhancing yourself. Try again.” It’s this push-pull of personal preference and social acceptance that can make beauty so unwieldy. Yet like the girls, we still reach.